Ask Miriam – November 2026
Dear Miriam,
I have been living happily with my partner for the last 20 years; however, lately he has become very paranoid. He claims that the next-door neighbor is stealing tools and other things from our garage (I am certain that this isn’t happening) and he is constantly angry. We end up having arguments all the time, and I am worried there is something wrong with his brain. He doesn’t seem more forgetful than usual, but it is so unlike him to be bad-tempered like this. And he used to be a very neat and tidy person. Now he told me he doesn’t want to shave anymore, and he leaves dirty dishes around the house. He does have a daughter in another state, but most of his friends have their own issues, or are fed up with him. I don’t know what to do, I am even thinking of leaving him. Can you help?
—Fed-up Partner
Dear Partner,
I can understand how painful it would be to live through this kind of change in the person that you love. There are a number of different things that could be going on. And you’re right that a visit to a doctor is going to be necessary to assess your partner’s symptoms and do a thorough evaluation.
Although Alzheimer’s disease, which generally tends to start with short-term memory loss, is the most common of the dementias, there are other types, such as vascular, Lewy Body and frontotemporal, as well as other potential mental health or physical issues that may be causing the change in personality you have been experiencing.
For now, try not to argue or convince him. Think about what he would find most acceptable as a reason to go to the doctor. It might just be for an annual Medicare check-up, or to check his blood pressure, or to receive a prescription renewal. Another option is to have the office call him to schedule an appointment for something routine.
Prior to the visit, put together a list of your concerns and send it over to the doctor or nurse. This will alert the doctor what to be on the lookout for, since it is common for people to say they are “fine” during a visit to the doctor, even when they aren’t.
An assessment may include memory screening, blood tests, scans, or other diagnostic tools. The doctor will try to rule out physical or emotional causes of his change in personality, such as an infection or depression. The doctor may also want him to see a neurologist, especially if they suspect he has dementia.
Once you have a better sense of the diagnosis, whether it is a type of dementia or another condition, you can start to think about what kind of care your partner might need, and how you can best get support and help for both of you. You don’t have to face this alone.
For more information about the various types of dementia and how they might present in an individual, call the Alzheimer’s Los Angeles Helpline at 844-435-7259.
Best,
Miriam
Questions for Miriam can be sent to askmiriam@alzla.org.
