Ask Miriam – June 2026
Dear Miriam,
My husband and I got married later in life after we were both widowed. He was 75 and I was 68. Now it is four years later, and I am really worried about his memory. I don’t think it is just forgetfulness anymore – while I, too, have trouble with recalling names, recently he didn’t remember his youngest son’s name, and for a few hours he thought that he was living with his first wife in a different town than where we currently live. The other thing is that every time he forgets something I said, or a plan we made, which is common throughout the day, he gets upset when I tell him the correct information. He doesn’t seem to get that he’s changed, I’m scared it might be Alzheimer’s. I feel like I should talk to his children about it, but I know they have their own lives, so I’m not sure how they would react. I’m just not prepared for any of this.
—Worried Wife
Dear Worried,
It is never easy to see a change in someone you love, especially when the changes involve loss of memory and changes in personality. What you are describing could very well be Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia, and it is important that he be seen by a doctor in order to rule out other causes of his symptoms, such as depression, medication interactions, or a vitamin deficiency.
Approach your husband during a calm, quiet time and let him know that you are worried about some things you have observed. Focus on how helpful it would be to get a physician’s input, rather than on who is right and who is wrong. If he is resistant to your suggestion, there’s no need to argue. Wait for a bit, and then have a slightly different conversation about both of you getting your annual physicals. You can alert his doctor’s office in advance about your concerns.
Once you have a better sense of what is happening medically, think about talking to his children. If his relationships with them are generally good, consider telling them as soon as you can. If there are family conflicts, you may want to discuss it with a social worker or therapist first. You mention they have their own lives, which is very understandable, but sharing the news gives them the opportunity to be more involved at a level that works for each of them. And try to be patient. They may need time to process their own fears and feelings about their father’s diagnosis.
Remember that one of the hardest parts of a dementia diagnosis is the changes that happen in the relationship, as you are starting to experience. Allow yourself to acknowledge the losses that go along with that. Taking care of yourself is important, and sources of support can include friends, your own family, a counselor or therapist, or a support group for people who are caring for someone with dementia.
You don’t have to decide everything at once, but when you are ready, you can start to think about future care needs and financial resources. Working with a social worker who has experience with dementia will help you navigate these challenges. For more information about how to manage a dementia diagnosis, call the Alzheimer’s Los Angeles Helpline at 844-435-7259.
Best,
Miriam
Questions for Miriam can be sent to askmiriam@alzla.org.
