Ask Miriam – February 2026
Dear Miriam,
I live next door to an elderly gentleman – he’s probably in his 80s, and I know he is a widower with one daughter who lives in Canada. Ever since my wife and I moved here eight years ago, he has lived alone. Recently, though, I have become concerned about him and am not sure what to do. A couple weeks ago, he locked himself out of his house, and instead of knocking on my door to get his spare set of keys, he tried to break a window to get in. It happened again last week, too. I’ve also noticed that he has not been bringing out his trash cans to the curb on trash collection days (or any days). And the last few times I’ve seen him outside, he is always wearing the same clothes, which look stained, and short sleeves with no jacket even though it is quite chilly. When I’ve tried to chat a little with him while we’re in our yards, he seems confused about who I am, and he mentioned having to go to work though he is, of course, long retired. I’ve never seen anyone other than his daughter come over – she visits about once a year. What do you think I might be able to do to help?
—Concerned Neighbor
Dear Concerned,
Thank you for being such a thoughtful and observant neighbor, and I’m glad you reached out to get more information. Being a neighbor is different than being a family member, but there may be some ways in which you can be helpful.
When someone has noticeable changes in their day-to-day functioning, it is always a cause for concern and for further exploration. Forgetfulness, changes in hygiene and appearance, and difficulty with daily tasks may be signs of dementia. When someone lives on their own and they are having trouble coping, letting a family member know can be the first step. Since you have had a friendly relationship with your neighbor over the years, and he entrusted you with his keys, perhaps you can invite him over for tea or a snack and share with him your concerns in a non-judgmental way. Needing help as we grow older is normal, and you can encourage him to speak to his daughter (or offer to call her yourself), who may not realize that he has been struggling. She may be able to set up some services for him. Additionally, you can also encourage him to reach out to his doctor for a check-up. Symptoms that look like dementia can also have other causes that should be ruled out.
It’s also important to know that in every state, there is an agency called Adult Protective Services (APS). Although it can sound scary, they are there to provide support and ensure the welfare of older and disabled adults. You may call them and explain the situation that you have observed, and someone will come to visit him. There are a variety of community programs that assist older adults including meal delivery, case management, in-home care, and transportation, which they can connect him with.
Lastly, know that you are making a difference in his life, whether reaching out directly to him, his daughter, his doctor, or APS. Your caring and concern will help him to get the support that he needs.
For more information on symptoms of dementia and living at home safely, call Alzheimer’s Los Angeles Helpline at 844-435-7259.
Best,
Miriam
Questions for Miriam can be sent to askmiriam@alzla.org.