Ask Miriam – August 2026
Dear Miriam,
My mom has Alzheimer’s disease, and it is probably moving toward the mid-stages. She is still able to do most of her own personal care when reminded or guided, but she and my sister, who lives with her, have been having a lot of arguments. My mom fell a few times over the last several months, and my sister seems to be really focused on not letting her fall again and is being very protective. I live a few hours away and am able to visit once a month. But I do talk to my mom almost every day on the phone, and she complains bitterly about how my sister is constantly hovering over her. I know my sister is doing her best to keep my mom safe. I love them both very much and I hate to see them miserable. I wish there were more ways I could help.
—Far-away daughter
Dear Far-away,
I truly appreciate your concern for both your mother and your sister. And it sounds like you recognize that it can be challenging for your sister to be the day-to-day caregiver. Reducing some of the conflict between them would be of benefit to all of you, and there are a few things I can suggest.
First, know that it is common for a person with dementia to lose the ability to process things like the steps that need to happen to be safe and avoid falls, especially as the disease progresses. A person’s sense of balance can be affected as well as their awareness of what is around them. Your sister may feel better with some safety precautions in place to allow her to better supervise your mom along with promoting independence when possible. Here are some things to do.
- Review her medications with her doctor (some medications can cause dizziness)
- Remove tripping hazards such as cords, area rugs, or toys on the floor
- Have her wear sturdy shoes with non-skid soles on the bottom
- Install grab bars in the bathroom (a prime place for falls) and by steps and stairs
- Ensure her glasses are helping her to see as well as possible and that rooms are well-lit
There may also be some ways that you can help your sister with caregiving even though you live further away. Offer to do administrative tasks, such as paying bills or handling insurance claims. Help with setting up meal deliveries so that your sister doesn’t have to always cook, and/or set up a regular housekeeping service. Allow your sister time to vent, and encourage her to take breaks, whether it’s while you’re in town, or helping to pay for a caregiver once a week.
The stress of watching out for falls may not totally go away, but knowing that your mom is not being difficult on purpose, responding patiently when she gets upset, and offering plenty of reassurance, while also putting safety steps and support ideas into place, may reduce stress and strengthen your sister’s and your mom’s relationship. For more information about falls and safety for people with dementia, contact the Alzheimer’s Los Angeles Helpline at 844-435-7259.
Best,
Miriam
Questions for Miriam can be sent to askmiriam@alzla.org.
