Ask Miriam – May 2026
Dear Miriam,
I am taking care of my mom, who is 85 years old now and is in the mid-stages of dementia. She needs a lot of help with things like bathing and dressing, and of course, I do everything to take care of the house. It is a lot, but I think I could bear it better if I didn’t feel so alone. Since Mom doesn’t really understand anything, I can’t talk to her. I’m just 60 myself and an only child. My father died 25 years ago, and I’m long divorced with no children of my own. I feel like I used to have so many friends, good friends, who I talked to on the phone almost every day. But they have disappeared. No one calls, and no one checks in on me. I have no one to talk to other than when I take my mother to her doctor’s appointments. I have most things like groceries delivered since I can’t leave her home on her own. I go days without seeing anyone. Do you have any suggestions for me?
—Alone and Abandoned
Dear Alone,
I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this kind of isolation while taking care of your mom. It’s true that caregiving, especially for someone with dementia, can be painful and lonely. But I can share some thoughts with you that may help.
Many friends, dear as they are, and even relatives, tend to withdraw when someone is experiencing illness and loss. They may fear their own sense of mortality, and they want to create distance, perhaps with the hope that they can avoid sadness and grief. Dementia is even more layered, since it tends to last for multiple years, and people who don’t know how to respond often say nothing.
Knowing why your friends have pulled away doesn’t fix how you feel, but there are some avenues that can provide you with a sense of community and support. Consider joining an online caregiver support group – you would meet others who are going through a similar experience, and you may develop new friendships. Taking a virtual class that meets on a regular basis is another option. You might also like to try online games such as word or board games. Players around the world participate and interact.
It is important for you to get out of the house on a regular basis, too. Even though your mother cannot be left alone, a few hours of help in the form of paying a caregiver or having her go to an adult day program would allow you to engage in activities where there are other people. Try going to a coffee shop, or a bookstore, or take a look at the different in-person events on a website such as meetup.com.
Make sure to take care of yourself physically – get enough sleep, have some nutritious foods, and move your body at least a little every day. You might even want to combine social activities with physical activities by trying an exercise or yoga class.
Finding human warmth and companionship is critical for all of us, and know that you do not have to do this alone. For more information on caregiving by yourself, call the Alzheimer’s Los Angeles Helpline at 844-435-7259 or go to our website at www.alzheimersla.org. Questions for Miriam may be e-mailed to askmiriam@alzla.org.
Best,
Miriam
Questions for Miriam can be sent to askmiriam@alzla.org.
