Ask Miriam – December 2025
Dear Miriam,
I am 33 years old and am caring for my dad who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease about a year ago. I never imagined being in this position, but I am now suddenly facing cancer myself, and my doctor has said we need to move forward with treatment immediately. My dad still lives on his own (about 10 minutes’ drive from me), and he’s been great. He’s pretty cheerful, has never gotten lost, and is still somewhat independent. But I do go over daily to give him medications, provide meals, and take care of the house, laundry, and bills. My chemotherapy will be starting in a few weeks, and I am scared on so many levels. I don’t know how I can continue taking care of my dad and going over there when I’ll likely be sick and exhausted from my cancer treatment. I’m also scared about my own health. Plus, if something happens to me and I’m not here, how can I make sure my dad is cared for?
—Fearful Son
Dear Fearful,
I’m so sorry that you and your dad are going through this; it must be very hard. And facing a health crisis while taking care of another person is overwhelming, but you can’t and shouldn’t have to do it alone.
Start looking at the tasks that you currently take care of for your dad. Based on what you wrote, there are several steps that you can take to ensure that his needs are met. One is to hire someone through a homecare agency to come over to his house for a few hours every day— similar to what you do now. If you feel comfortable that he doesn’t need that level of care, you can set up a system of services for him: meal delivery to bring him prepared meals every day, an automated medication box (which dispenses specific medicines at specific times), and pre-scheduled regular grocery store delivery for snacks and paper goods. Bills can be set up with autopay online. Think about making a calendar for family/friends/neighbors, each of whom can check on him one day of the week; this will provide him with some socialization and comfort.
Equally important, think about how you are going to care for yourself during chemotherapy. Talk to your doctor about potential side effects and how those can be treated. Many oncology teams have social workers who can help arrange practical assistance, transportation, and even home help for yourself if you are unable to complete your usual tasks. Consider a virtual or in-person support group for people going through cancer treatment. A therapist can also help with supporting you through this challenging time.
In preparing for the future, talk to your father while he can still participate in making decisions. Ensure that he has designated powers of attorney for health and finances, and there should be an alternate in the event you are not available. Make sure the alternate, such as an attorney or other relative, is aware of what you and your father’s wishes are if you are not there to carry them out, including where and how your father would be cared for, and the available financial resources. When talking to your dad about your cancer diagnosis and treatment, be sure to keep your explanation simple and reassuring. Let him know that you hope for the best, and that you will make sure he is taken care of.
Lastly, be as gentle with yourself as you can. Don’t hesitate to ask for help and make sure to get connected to all the cancer support services that are available to you. I’m sending hope and all good wishes to you and your dad.
For further information about problem solving about care needs and planning for the future, please call the Alzheimer’s LA Helpline at 844-435-7259.
Best,
Miriam
Questions for Miriam can be sent to askmiriam@alzla.org.