Ask Miriam – May 2025
Dear Miriam,
I’m 62, and I moved back into my childhood home three years ago after my dad passed away. My mom’s 90 now. I work from home, but between my job and attending to my mom, I barely leave the house anymore. It’s sometimes hard for me to sleep at night, and I don’t really have anyone else around, no siblings, no kids, no partner. Just me and Mom. It’s exhausting. Then last year, she had a stroke, which didn’t seem too bad at the time, but she has since been going downhill, and the doctor diagnosed Alzheimer’s as well. At the last appointment he was very kind, saying that the role of caregiver can be stressful and encouraging me to practice “self-care.” I’ve never really thought of myself as a caregiver, and I have no idea what “self-care” involves. Please help.
—Caregiver Son
Dear Son,
Being a caregiver is one of the hardest, most underappreciated jobs there is, especially caring for a parent with dementia without a support network. So, while you may not have ever planned to be (or call yourself) a caregiver, being responsible for the wellbeing, health, and contentment of another person is a lot to manage, and it is not surprising that you experience feeling tired and overwhelmed.
The term self-care is often used as a trendy shorthand for luxuries that many people, particularly caregivers, are unable to afford either financially or in terms of time and availability. But it doesn’t have to mean spa days or having a personal chef. It can be anything that helps you maintain your physical, mental, and emotional health, such as:
- Getting regular sleep (as best you can)
- Eating regularly (even if it’s simple, like a sandwich and fruit)
- Moving your body (even a 10-minute walk outside counts)
- Talking to someone – a friend, therapist, or support group (there are online groups just for caregivers)
- Taking breaks – even 15 minutes alone with a book or music
- Letting go of guilt for not being perfect or patient every moment of the day
You matter, too. Caregivers who neglect their own health and emotional needs often burn out, get sick themselves, or develop serious depression. Please talk to your own doctor about how you’ve been feeling and consider reaching out to a support group. Think about getting a paid person or asking a friend – even for a few hours a week – to provide you with time for yourself.
For more information about self-care while being a caregiver, call the Alzheimer’s Los Angeles Helpline at 844-435-7259.
Best,
Miriam
Questions for Miriam can be sent to askmiriam@alzla.org.